I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
