Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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