You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
