you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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