I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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