she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
