her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize