The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
