i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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