shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
