I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
