I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
