just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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