Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
