I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
