i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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