You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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