C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So apparently I’m into choking now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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