So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
