I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
