just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize