these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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