You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
