she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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