just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
