i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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