Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
