Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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