You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
