I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
