Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
