remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
