mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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