my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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