I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
