New invention idea: vibrating tampons
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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