So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
