the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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