remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
