I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
