Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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