So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Someone shattered a urinal.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
