6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
