Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
