Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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