If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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