I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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