what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Are my feet made of real feet?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
