Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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