Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
