My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my being single is dangerous.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
