I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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