There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize