Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
