Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
