the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
