Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
