That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
