You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
