Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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