i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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