we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
