Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let's get the cat blown out
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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