I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
