well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
