morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
