I am midnight drunk by noon
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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