tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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