Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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